You like to put up a fight to sleep usually, I'm not sure why, but tonight you fought very little. As I rocked you I sang "Jesus loves me" over and over. It's true Cash, Jesus loves you. You will learn all about his love as you grow. I just stared at you as you started to fade...your eyes start to get heavy and then spring back open, as if to say you aren't tired. But after awhile you can no longer fight the heaviness and you drift off.
As I sit here rocking you I think about the very first day I brought you home. I rocked you in this very chair. You were so small, everything was so new. I look at you now and can't believe how much you've grown in such a short time. Wasn't I just sitting here rocking you on your first day home? Your little head fit perfectly in the crook of my arm, your small little legs barely stretched across my abdomen. But now, this boy I stare down at, looks so big in my arms. Where has the time gone?
I love watching you grow. I love to see your features. I think your eyes are starting to turn green. Your eyelashes are so long. Your lips big and soft. You hand clenched into a perfect little fist resting on my chest. Your cute little button nose. And your long body, stretched all the way across me, but still not to big for your mommy's arms. Never too big for mommy's arms.
I am glad to say your eyebrows have grown in. I am happy for this because you didn't have any when you were born lol. They are dark which means I think your hair will be dark too...well I always thought it would be, but I was hoping you would be blonde.
But you're perfect. Everything about you is perfect.
God hand crafted you, taking little bits from me and a lot of bits from your daddy to create you. I can't believe we made you.
It brings tears to my eyes to write this, for a few reasons. One, you've grown so much and I've already so quickly forgotten how small you were. And two, because I know in a few weeks I will be going back to work and instead of rocking my baby to sleep, I will be kissing him goodbye. Just typing that makes me cry. It's going to be so hard, but we will both be okay.
People ask how old you are and I always say 2.5 months, but you aren't 2.5 months. You are almost 3 months. Three months ago you were in my tummy. Three months ago I felt you kick, hiccup and move from the inside. Three months ago I wondered what you would look like. And here you are, in my arms. The sweetest and best blessing I could ever ask for.
I promise to take more time in the day to slow down and just enjoy you. Your smile, your laugh, your sleeping face.
I love you so much Cash. I can't even begin to describe.
Sweet dreams my baby boy.
